Wednesday, November 23, 2011

Life Experience

I hate cancer. I hate that I have it. I hate what it does to individuals and their families. I hate everything about it. One thing I do appreciate however is the experience that comes from this horrible illness. I appreciate the changes that are taking place inside me. I appreciate the strength I'm developing from this. After this I'm gonna be able to do anything. I'm going to the top, this is a fact. It's sorta nice not having to worry about small stuff anymore. I'm sorry to say that it took cancer to accomplish this. But no matter what it took to make me what I am and what I'm going to be I'm glad. Because of cancer, I now enjoy life more then I ever have. There's no more time for regrets or grudges or anything that would a person back. Now all I have to do is live my life and enjoy it.

Drastic Changes

I feel like my life is about to change all the time. I feel like soon enough I'm gonna have to make fantastic changes in my life. Then I take a step back and look at my life. I've already have made drastic changes and you know what? They're not that bad. I spent 11 days in the hospital, drastic! I dropped out of school, drastic! I can't leave my house, drastic! They're not that bad. I truly feel God is blessing me because despite these drastic changes, my life feels pretty normal...

Sunday, November 20, 2011


I find myself lately reminiscing about my days on the football field. I miss that feeling. It may sound barbaric but to be running around carefree with pads on my shoulders ready to hit someone, brings a feeling unparalleled to anything else. Unfortunately, I didn't get to play this year. After I beat this disease, I'm gonna get back in the game. This is one of my biggest goals. I wanna go back next year, suit up, and hit someone. I wanna go all the way. I wanna go to state. And I can! No, I WILL! I can beat cancer, I can do anything!

Friday, November 18, 2011


Chances. I hear that word a lot these days. I hate it. Even if the phrase is, "you have very good chances," it still has the word chance in it. It doesn't matter how good the word before chance is because it's still just a chance. But you know what? Life is a chance. When you get in the car, there's a chance you'll crash. When you eat a piece of food, there's a chance you'll choke. So no matter what the "chances" are, I'm just gonna sit back and enjoy my life.

Thursday, November 17, 2011

Thank you cancer

Thank you cancer,
Thank you for helping me realize how important life is. Thank you for helping me get my priorities straight. Thank you for helping me realize that nothing is definite except for the grace of God. I love life. I love waking up. I love my family. I love my friends. I now realize how much I love these things because of you, cancer. That being said, it's time for you to leave. I hate you. It's time for you to get out of my body and never come back. I got your message. Bye!

Tuesday, November 15, 2011

Chemo round 1

Chemo is... Annoying, not fun, painful, but necessary. Just finished round one of chemo. It was crazy. I hated it but I know it's working because I felt and still feel its affects. There were times when I felt like going insane. It does things to your mind. I felt like I couldn't articulate my words and thoughts. I felt my hands shaking and my head moving back and forth. It felt like I was on a really strong drug that I never wanna be on again. I hate the way it made me feel but as long as I'm getting better then I could care less. It could've been worse. I didn't throw up. I never lost my appetite. I never lost hope. Well God willing I will be able to go home tomorrow and this chemo treatment will be a bad dream for now.

Friday, November 11, 2011


From future me,
Remember? Remember feeling down? Remember finding out? Remember this cloud of impending doom hanging over your head? Remember feeling like giving up? Remember crying? Remember drawing strength in times of weakness? Remember sleepless nights? Remember despising when the doctor walked in because you didn't wanna hear what he was gonna say? Remember the strength God gave you? Remember waking up in the morning forgetting that you had this disease only to have your relief shattered when you realized that you were in the hospital? Remember feeling like it was never gonna get better? Remember having to repeat your senior year of high school? Remember how you beat this? Remember that you can do anything because you beat cancer.

Thursday, November 10, 2011


So I heard some things today... They made me feel blessed and they greatly heart my heart. David is him name. He has they same disease that I have but in a much worse way. He wasnt diagnosed unfortunately until he had all the symptoms. He went through treatment and went into remission. He was taking maintenance chemo and was doing good. Then his doctor lowered his dosage because the pills were making him sick. This is when the disease came back with a vengeance. He is now in the hospital in the worst condition of his life. Anyone who reads this, please pray for David and his family. Pray for healing. Pray for peace.

Wednesday, November 9, 2011

State Ring

I'm in the hospital now, what a journey it has been. It's not the place I want to be most right now, but I understand that I have to. This is part of my treatment and I'm going to do what ever it takes to get well. So last night my old football coach asked of he could come visit. I told him yes. When he gets to my room he sits and talks with me a while. Hes in the army reserve so he was gone this year instill about october. He tells me that his first week back he has a meeting with all the other coaches and he tells me the first thing he asks them is about me. This was an honor. To think thatI made a big enough impact on his life that I'm the first thing he asks for. Then he prays with me and says he has to go but before he goes he does something that I will never forget. He pulls out his college state championship UT Austin ring and he puts it on my finger and looks me in the eye and says, "I want you to hold on to this until you get better." I can't believe he did this, I was in awe. It's so wonderful to know that he has that much faith in me.

Sunday, November 6, 2011

Sometimes you just gotta laugh

Sometimes you just gotta laugh about it. Laugh to feel better, laugh to keep form crying, laugh to keep from going insane. The doctor thought I had mono for the longest time... When I found out it was leukemia, I said, well... At least it's not mono... Hahahaha. The day I found out about my condition I called my grandma and told her I was gonna fight, I told her I was gonna be strong, I told her I was gonna beat it. After minutes of telling this to my grandma she asks, who is this?... Hahahahaha. Everyone keeps on asking me, can you do this? Can you that? I finally got fed up and told them, "It's called cancer not can'tcer."... Hahahahahaha. Don't read this and misjudge it. I don't wanna make light of my situation but like I said, sometimes you just gotta laugh.

Saturday, November 5, 2011

Dear God

Dear God, thank you. Thank you for life. Thank you for the good times and though it's hard to say sometimes, thank you for the bad times. I don't know why you do what you do and don't know why you let things happen, but what I do know is your always there. Even when I feel all alone, your there. When I feel happy, your there. When I feel like giving up, your there. Let me apologize in advance for the negative thoughts I'm going to have. It's impossible to avoid them. Let me apologize for the times I'm going to doubt you. Let me make it clear, I'm not always going to feel positive but I'm going to beat this. I have faith that you are going to give me the strength I need and when I'm done, I'm going to appreciate life a hundred times more. I already do. Little things don't matter any more. I used to care so much about what people thought about me and how they saw me but now I could care less. I used to care about my appearance and if I "looked good" but now I could care less. I really see what's important in life now. I appreciate my family and the time I get to spend with them. Thank you for blessing me with such a loving and supportive family because I could not do this alone. Thank you for blessing me with loving and supportive friends because once again, I could not do this alone. I know your watching over me now and thank you. In Jesus name, amen!