What I want

I know what I want. I want the same thing as every cancer patient. I want a doctor to look me in the eye and say Bobby, your chances are 100%. Not gonna happen. I do know someone who can promise me 100% chance of healing, his name is God. I know I'm gonna be healed. I know 100%. I know Gods not only gonna heal me but he's going to spare me from a lot of unpleasant things. Anyone who reads this please pray for my 100% healing from leukemia.

Nerves

I'm nervous. I'm real nervous. I'm probably more nervous now then when I got diagnosed with cancer. I guess this is where my faith comes in. I gotta have faith that Houston is the best place for me to go right now. I gotta have faith that the results will be good and that God will take care of me. I don't wanna go but life's full of things you don't wanna do. If I put God first than everything that happens in my life is for the best, right? I would like to ask anyone who reads this to pray for my trip to Houston and pray that everything comes out ok, please.

I just don't get it

I don't get it. I don't know why. This is hard, real hard. Some days I feel on top of the world while some days I feel like I do now. It's not that I feel bad and it's not that I'm weak, that couldn't be further from the truth. It certainly isn't that I don't have faith in God because believe me, I do. I just feel like I don't get it. Does that make sense? I know everyone must feel like that at some point in their life. I started school today. It's great to be back! But I just don't get it. Why do I have to repeat my senior year? Why couldn't I have graduated with my class. I don't feel bad about coming back but I just don't get it. Why God? I know this is all part of your plan but sometimes I question you. I'm sorry for this. If its part of your will please help me understand because I just don't get it.

Untitled

I can't seem to come up with a title for this blog. I'm feeling so many things right now I don't even know if I could put them into words but I'm gonna try. I remember when I used to play sports the coaches would usually say the same thing after a winning game. They would say "enjoy today's victory but work starts again tomorrow." I just finished my eighth round of chemo. This means my life can begin to get some what normal. I don't have to worry about going to the hospital once a month. I see this as a victory. I'm gonna enjoy today but tomorrows a new day with new challenges and I'm gonna work. I will NEVER be the kind of person to just lay down and die (literally or metaphorically). Weather it's a fight with cancer or a fight for something I want, I'm gonna work for it with diligence and I'm gonna put God first. So in a nutshell, that is how I'm feeling.

1 more month? Ok

Well it's coming down to the wire. One more treatment then I get the majority of my life back. I won't be done with chemo... Not by a long shot but I'll be done with these monthly hospital stays and that's a good thing. It's funny because at the beginning I just wanted it to end but now I see that all the things I've gone through have made me more of me. I don't know if that makes too much sense but it's true. I'm glad to be me cancer or no cancer, I wouldn't have it any other way. I can hardly explain the changes that God has put me through these past eight months. I feel like I was shocked with electricity or I feel like I've died and come back to life and let me tell you it's best feeling in the world. I feel better now then I've felt in 18 years and that's a fact. So yes, I still
have one more month but I wouldn't trade it for the world because no matter what happens this month and how bad I feel, I know that God is gonna use it to make me more of me. Once again I don't even know of that makes sense to most of you but it makes sense to me and I'm glad..

Nostalgia

I don't know what it is but usually around the hour of 12 I become very nostalgic. I have a feeling I'm not the only one either. On such occasions I'll put on a good song and just think. This is what I'm doing right now. I just feel like writing so here I am, writing away. I don't really have a set plan on what to write,I am simply writing for the sake of writing and hoping to cure this nostalgia. I don't know how this will pretain to cancer, I'm simply hoping I'll find my way to the topic of cancer sometime while writing this. The main thing on my mind right now is my old senior class. I know why. It's because they are on their senior trip right now. Photos keep on popping up on my Facebook wall. It's good to see them smiling and happy I just wish I could be there with them. It's ok though because I'm in remission. That is my new mindset. Everytime I get sad or in this case nostalgic I just think to myself where I am with my treatment as opposed to where I could be. 6 months ago I had pictures in my mind of me slowly fading away due to the chemo and cancer but that is simply not the case. I am truly blessed and if any of my senior class reads this, I hope your having a great time and I love you guys.

Feeling Sorry for Myself

Im at the point in my life we're Im through feeling sorry for myself. Feeling sorry for yourself is just an excuse, and a sorry one at that.  Im not gonna use cancer as an excuse why I cant do something, instead Im going to use it as an excuse why I can do something.  Man Im sick of cancer, Im sick of treatments, Im sick of not going to school, Im sick of not having a normal life but you know what? Im no longer sick of cancer (literaly) and THAT is whats important. Thats the fuel that im gonna use to get through this.  No matter what happens in my life. No matter who hurts me. No matter how bad I feel, I am  no longer sick of cancer and I thank God.