Feeling Sorry for Myself

Im at the point in my life we're Im through feeling sorry for myself. Feeling sorry for yourself is just an excuse, and a sorry one at that.  Im not gonna use cancer as an excuse why I cant do something, instead Im going to use it as an excuse why I can do something.  Man Im sick of cancer, Im sick of treatments, Im sick of not going to school, Im sick of not having a normal life but you know what? Im no longer sick of cancer (literaly) and THAT is whats important. Thats the fuel that im gonna use to get through this.  No matter what happens in my life. No matter who hurts me. No matter how bad I feel, I am  no longer sick of cancer and I thank God.

Things I do not understand

The things that I don't understand help me understand things that I didn't understand before the things that I don't understand now happened to me. Does that make sense? Probably not. I've just had 4 days of chemo and I might be a little foggy right now. What I mean to say is it's funny how not understanding something can make you understand so much. I don't understand why I got sick. I don't understand why I have to do the things that I have to do but I do understand that I don't need to understand. I also understand that as long as I'm healthy I'll be happy. I understand that I don't have to have the biggest house when I grow up to be happy. I understand that I don't have to make the most money to be happy. I don't have to have the nicest car to be happy. I don't even have to always be happy to be happy. So... I don't understand some things but the things that I don't understand help me understand things that I may otherwise never have understood before.

Prom 2011

I can't stop thinking about prom last year. I don't know why. It's making me real sad. I don't know why. I keep on thinking what a good day it was. I felt like I had life by the tail. Three sport athlete ending his jr. Year enjoying life and ready for senior year of highschool. I keep thinking how this was supposed to be the best year of my life. It clearly is not the best year of my life but it is by far the most important. This is the year I realized how much I love life. This is the year I realized how much God can do. This year I learned patience. I don't know why God chose now to show me these things and I might never know but it's all part of his perfect plan.

Half Way Done

Just finished my fourth round of chemo. This means I am now halfway done. So far so good. I had minimal side affects this round and God is truly blessing me. Right now everything has gone right but it's not how you start the race it's how you finish the race and I need God to help me finish this race strong.

The Calm Before the Storm

Sometimes I feel just too calm. Too calm to be getting chemotherapy. Too calm to be in the hospital. Too calm to be fighting cancer. This phase in my life feels like the calm before a storm but the crazy thing is, I'm in the storm. This storm with a forecast so bleak and depressing yet while I'm in it, it feels like it hasn't even started yet. This is God, no doubt. Only God could carry me through the storm and make things so calm that I hardly even realize that I'm in it.

I just dont know

I just don't know. I don't know what's happening tomorrow, or the next day, or the next day. I don't know if I'm going to get into my dream college or work at my dream job. I don't even know what my dream job is. I don't know if tomorrows guaranteed. No one does. You don't know were your be tomorrow either. You don't know when you'll get that next piece of news that will forever change your life. I didn't and I still don't. What I do know? I'm here today and I'm in remission. Praise God. I just don't know. But I WILL enjoy today and every other day God gives me for the rest of my life.

One step closer

One step closer to surviving. Just finished round three of chemo and I feel good for the most part. That's three down and 5 more to go and I would do a hundred more if that's what it would take to beat this. I thank God everyday for another day of life because no matter what plans you make, God is always the one to execute them.