1 more month? Ok

Well it's coming down to the wire. One more treatment then I get the majority of my life back. I won't be done with chemo... Not by a long shot but I'll be done with these monthly hospital stays and that's a good thing. It's funny because at the beginning I just wanted it to end but now I see that all the things I've gone through have made me more of me. I don't know if that makes too much sense but it's true. I'm glad to be me cancer or no cancer, I wouldn't have it any other way. I can hardly explain the changes that God has put me through these past eight months. I feel like I was shocked with electricity or I feel like I've died and come back to life and let me tell you it's best feeling in the world. I feel better now then I've felt in 18 years and that's a fact. So yes, I still
have one more month but I wouldn't trade it for the world because no matter what happens this month and how bad I feel, I know that God is gonna use it to make me more of me. Once again I don't even know of that makes sense to most of you but it makes sense to me and I'm glad..

Nostalgia

I don't know what it is but usually around the hour of 12 I become very nostalgic. I have a feeling I'm not the only one either. On such occasions I'll put on a good song and just think. This is what I'm doing right now. I just feel like writing so here I am, writing away. I don't really have a set plan on what to write,I am simply writing for the sake of writing and hoping to cure this nostalgia. I don't know how this will pretain to cancer, I'm simply hoping I'll find my way to the topic of cancer sometime while writing this. The main thing on my mind right now is my old senior class. I know why. It's because they are on their senior trip right now. Photos keep on popping up on my Facebook wall. It's good to see them smiling and happy I just wish I could be there with them. It's ok though because I'm in remission. That is my new mindset. Everytime I get sad or in this case nostalgic I just think to myself where I am with my treatment as opposed to where I could be. 6 months ago I had pictures in my mind of me slowly fading away due to the chemo and cancer but that is simply not the case. I am truly blessed and if any of my senior class reads this, I hope your having a great time and I love you guys.

Feeling Sorry for Myself

Im at the point in my life we're Im through feeling sorry for myself. Feeling sorry for yourself is just an excuse, and a sorry one at that.  Im not gonna use cancer as an excuse why I cant do something, instead Im going to use it as an excuse why I can do something.  Man Im sick of cancer, Im sick of treatments, Im sick of not going to school, Im sick of not having a normal life but you know what? Im no longer sick of cancer (literaly) and THAT is whats important. Thats the fuel that im gonna use to get through this.  No matter what happens in my life. No matter who hurts me. No matter how bad I feel, I am  no longer sick of cancer and I thank God.

Things I do not understand

The things that I don't understand help me understand things that I didn't understand before the things that I don't understand now happened to me. Does that make sense? Probably not. I've just had 4 days of chemo and I might be a little foggy right now. What I mean to say is it's funny how not understanding something can make you understand so much. I don't understand why I got sick. I don't understand why I have to do the things that I have to do but I do understand that I don't need to understand. I also understand that as long as I'm healthy I'll be happy. I understand that I don't have to have the biggest house when I grow up to be happy. I understand that I don't have to make the most money to be happy. I don't have to have the nicest car to be happy. I don't even have to always be happy to be happy. So... I don't understand some things but the things that I don't understand help me understand things that I may otherwise never have understood before.

Prom 2011

I can't stop thinking about prom last year. I don't know why. It's making me real sad. I don't know why. I keep on thinking what a good day it was. I felt like I had life by the tail. Three sport athlete ending his jr. Year enjoying life and ready for senior year of highschool. I keep thinking how this was supposed to be the best year of my life. It clearly is not the best year of my life but it is by far the most important. This is the year I realized how much I love life. This is the year I realized how much God can do. This year I learned patience. I don't know why God chose now to show me these things and I might never know but it's all part of his perfect plan.

Half Way Done

Just finished my fourth round of chemo. This means I am now halfway done. So far so good. I had minimal side affects this round and God is truly blessing me. Right now everything has gone right but it's not how you start the race it's how you finish the race and I need God to help me finish this race strong.

The Calm Before the Storm

Sometimes I feel just too calm. Too calm to be getting chemotherapy. Too calm to be in the hospital. Too calm to be fighting cancer. This phase in my life feels like the calm before a storm but the crazy thing is, I'm in the storm. This storm with a forecast so bleak and depressing yet while I'm in it, it feels like it hasn't even started yet. This is God, no doubt. Only God could carry me through the storm and make things so calm that I hardly even realize that I'm in it.